Archive for » September, 2010 «

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If I do anything, I need to it willingly and if I do anything willingly I have to really care about it. In the past year I was involved in something that I worked so hard to get. To gain it I had to practice and try to prove myself. I endured many nights of getting yelled at and sweating to show how badly I wanted it. Eventually my efforts started to show and I guess the people I was proving myself saw this. Now I am thinking I might have tried too hard. I put too much into it and I feel as if I was taken advantage of. Its more detail than I can explain because i take everything into account but i wss getting fed up. Last week i learned that my love for this ‘thing’ was taken in vain and I would have to prove myself again, something inside of me couldnt handle it. As much as i love it and I put my all in it it was hard to be put down like that, for the past couple of days Ive had a serious headache because I couldnt reach I final decision. Today I decided to let it all go… almost instantly the headache was gone. I’m guesing I made the right choice. …. now to deal w the critics

Steve Price
She was eight stories tall.
I took the stairs.
Others rode the elevator.
I heard it stop on each floor—
they piled in, joked,
jumped up and down to test the cables.
I hurried—three steps per stride—
then stopped.
I didn’t want her their way.
I matched the pace of the sun coming up.
We met on the roof.

This is my blog, I can blog whenever I want, how ever I want, and on whatever I want. Here it goes.

If you go to my oldest blogs, you might sense a hint of depression. It must have been because I was miserable. Sad alone, etc. I tried to find happiness in the wrong places and from the wrong people. Each time I would go to them I would only get hurt. The pain would get worse after my efforts. In spite of my moments of unhappiness loneliness and doubt Im glad I experienced them. Nothing brings be down like that anymore, It can sound cliche to you but I am being so sincere, my strong relationship with God is blessing me daily. Its opening my eyes to see that I dont need anyone but him, and those I surround myself with should be of him. A lot of people just talk about God and press on and on about their faith but because they talk about it doesnt mean they are about it. Boasting to people about how much you read your bible or the amount of times you Mention GOD in a day does nothing to your spiritual being. If God can lift your soul and you are clean then no one can lay a burden on you. You are light hearted and happy once the Lord commands it. It has taken me so long to get where I am today and it really is jut the begining. Finding my place in Christ was tough because I tried so hard to make my unclean ways work with God, but in all honesty its what bought me down. I blocked my own blessings and my out spiritual growth. I am neither Boasting or showing off Im just being brave and finally expressing how I feel about my faith, I was so hesitant before but when God is a true friend and knowing he is surrounding u when no one seems to be around you makes you feel like the most loved individual in the world… why wouldnt I blog about it. Think of it as w/e you want but in my heart I know I am serving a living God, and I know anything I do Christ will strengthen me and I also know I will conitinue to find happiness through Jesus… just felt like sharing.


no seriously.
he’s perfect but we can never ever ever make it work because he changes who he is when he’s with me. Terrible I know. How would you feel if you knew you had found the person that compliments every thing about you and you knew that you wanted out of a significant other but once you are together or in the same room or you try to make it a relationship it screws up. *raises hand* you would feel like me.. HELLO!!
I can say this scenario has happened to me atleast twice. weird…. I already re-evavluated and Since I cant come up with any answers i’ll just continue to pray that My ONE is especially designed for me hehe… man Im blogging to much about how I feel maybe I should stop, good night.

it is 2:26 and I am lounging on my sofa in my living room. Quite honestly I adore this apartment. Everyone else is asleep and im here sipping on herbal tea, listening to my favorite playlist and doing to studying. It just dawned on me that I really enjoy being by myself. I love being in the company of certain people but other then that i really enjoy the company of myself. I guess that is all I really wanted to share. It was too much to tweet and to personal for facebook. The best place to express my thoughts would be my blog.
Ok now to the music I am listening to, it is the same playlist I play when I am happy, sad, angry, etc.. the all around playlist. If anyone were to listen to this playlist just once,they would know me inside and out but it seems as if no one ever wants to take the time to listen to my heart (beat). hmph Their loss.
Disclaimer to anyone reading this current post has no form of organization I just feel GOOD so i felt like blogging. So I went to an AME church for maybe the first time ever, what a huge difference from a pentacostal church, I loved it but I wish everyone was in the spirit and worshiped in dance.

ok now on to a totally new topic, I keep praying for my future love of my life, why? you Never know if he’ll need my prayers I mean I dont want him to go through hell. Just praying he is alright and happy so when i meet him I dont have to do damage control. But I do wish I could meet him just for 5 minutes give him a kiss and hope to meet him later on in life. hehe I know I am so lovesick its disgusting. The person that end up w my love will be so lucky and blessed, I have a whole lot of love to give. =)

I should finish some reading. hmmm goodnight you all.

Happy post