Archive for » June, 2010 «

Secret: I miss sharing secrets with you

- Im glad I look up to you and I am not severely Jealous anymore

- that you decided that we should be friends even though I can be a brat that always wants her way

- that you are my absolute best friend that will never go away despite all the trouble i purposely get myself into

- you understand I just want the best from you because I couldnt do it myself

- i have a lot of secrets, I dont tell everyone bc they arent ready for them :D

—- I feel like going up to a random stranger and telling them all about my life. lol I think they would be interested.

What I tend to do on this blog is write about the same thing until I come to terms with it and fix whatever it is that is troubling me. Right about now the only thing troubling me is myself. Apparently Everyone else really believes in me. They see so much in what I can do in life. I have so much potential weighing me down but I have not acted on a single thing. Atleast nothing that i would be Boasting about. I need to talk to myself. I hope I dont sound crazed but its so true, Ive been having these thoughts about my future. Even if everything is laid out for me perfectly how will I be able to sculpt it. And if everything is hectic how will I arrange it to work for me. I’m maturing, this is probably what this means because, I am all, I think about. Not in a selfish way just concerned. Im concerned about my drive motivation and Happiness.

These next few months i’m going o do what i love to do. No inihbitions at all. A lot of times I am scared of what people think. It’s a lack of confindence in what I do. I sat down, thought about it and realized I am scared of absoutely nothing. If what I do makes me happy then that is all that matters. Because I am afraid of bad critique I dont design as much as I should, i dont put my heart into writing,a nd I have been timid when it come to getting great photography shots. I dont know why it mattered, No one was paying me and everythign I do is for my personal joy.

The most recent things I’ve done just to avoid the stress and work is Gardening, It was hard work but I love it. I’ve always wanted to do it but my parents always had some objection. If I get a chance I want to start a vegetable garden. My neighbor Lou, Who was basically my grandpa before he moved in with his son to God knws where and his wife [we called her mama] had a garden. There’s no more GArden. i hope Lou is still around.

Photography and deisgn. make me so happy its ridiculous. I have some battle stories about designing. you woulding belive how much i went through to learn what I know now. it is wild.
Photography is just beautiful. Im not too much of a fan of fashion photography and all that fancys stuff but I love natural photos, families, couples, freinds on a day to day basis, weddings and parties. I love photos b/c its how I grew up. My mom was a camaniac… everything was documented by camera, everything! I had photoshoots when I was 3… funny now that I think about it. I also love Colors.Colors mean a lot to me. im not sure why either. certain colors jsut make me happy within.

Catching up on writing. just to let some things out. This is the hardest to do. The problem is some people with like what you write. Others wont. Some find meaning in it and others think it is trash. Main reason why I really avoid showing people m writing. its a huge fear of mine. The only thing I proudly display are my Angry letters. lol yes I write some damn good Angry letters.

lol… i fell asleep when I finished that last sentence <3

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Ive been having some crazy dreams lately, well they have just been Awkward. It i probably b/c im stressing and thinking too much. It is unimportant.

Well, This is the last week of summer session 1, this week basically determines the rest of my summer, year, life etc. EH! No stress right? With all of the stress I have to deal with I need to find a media to relax. So Im trying to edit, and upload my photo portfolio. Ive taken so many pictures lately well in the past 3 weeks but i haven’t been able to show them to anyone but my family. When I get that together I will Build the portfolio and run crazy with it. I have so much in store for the next few months Its wonderful. Im excited, No fear in my eyes. Just anticipation and awe. :D

14
Jun

That last post was just an introduction to my new found Love of The Noisettes! My soul mate suggested that I should listen to them a very long time ago but I was ignoring him. I finally decided to a few days ago and I fell in love, He and I have a ridiculous connection when it comes to music. I have more to say about the lead singer but that can wait for another time. The video just gets me. I dont know exactly why but i can watch it and listen to it more than 50 times a day, which I have done already. The actor is just dreamy!

I’ve been having a tough week. It finally got better in the last few hours. This is only because I had a constant headache from Monday to…. this morning. It was crazy I was feeling sick through out. Im guessing it was stress from my summer class and family [playing an acting role of soccer/PTA mom].

Nothing else to recap for now, Ive just been re-evaluating my life my future and what ever else. It all seems to be good. I’m just working on things to get better!
Waiting for the wind to blow success in to my life u know.

No one special, Just My brother and Best friend.

Although I am the older sister, This kid really took and  continues to take good care of me.  It’s reciprocal but He really does not have to do all that he does for me. He has no obligation to any of that, he’s just a kid. Now Im realizing my baby is growing older. Soon enough I’ll Call him a man.

So far he’s making me so proud, Academically he’s ridicoulously intelligent. His athletic skills are  phenomenal.  He’s also very musically talented.  I LOVE my brother. The best part about him is the simple fact that he is such a humble young man.  All of the blessings that God has bestowed on him  do not  make him into a vain individual. He’s thankful and sweet.

He’s going to Highschool in a few months. I can see him breaking records and  making history already. watch out for this little man. If you dont I’ll be right there next to him to tell you I told you So. He’s special and  I love him!!

<3 from the heart.

Created with:-Photoshop CS4-Nikon P90-Wacom bamboo tablet- lots of love!
08
Jun

Solange
Corrine Bailey Rae
Sade
John Legend
Kanye
RLES [at times]

Save my soul no matter what the situation. My musical angels that make it all better when I am at my last. Now that I got that out the way, I will return to my Stress factor.

** August 6th 2010 will be the happiest day of my summer. After all this stress I will be on the beach with Kimmy and CBR then…. life will be just right.

EDIT****
HAPPY HALF BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 6MONTHS TO 2 DECADES =O

My creative muse was lit up, I dont know how and I dont know when. Getting the P90 helped immensely in giving me the drive to think and see differently. I didnt realize i was taking it so seriously until yesterday. My bestie’s little brother was going to prom and His photographer canceled on him, Mom asked me to cover and I did the best I could. I was going to take pictures anyway but being asked to do it gave me a bit more UMPH!!. Time was a huge factor we didnt have much time to take pics at the park b/c his date had some random wardrobe malfunction but I think they came out well. I tried this silhouette trick for the first time and it worked. As much as I love taking the pictures I am still a designer by heart I get so much more excited from editing. I’m really pleased with my New DSLR, like I have mentioned before i have always had a camera, now I can take it to th next level. Still editing so Enjoy…. this one.

This is one of my favorites form Yesterday.
He actually Won Prom King .so Im even more excited I got to take his photos. Cant wait to create the album