The most chemistry I have been focusing on in the past couple of years have been with the male species. Right now.. I actually have to focus on the subject. I feel as though I had a terrible experience with it early on in my child hood so now I detest it. There is never a time that I encounter Chemistry where i do not literally cry… I guess I can compare it to the guys I have dated. I never actually want them.. then I slowly start to like them… then.. I realize its honestly not for me and its an EPIC FAIL hahah…. at the end of the day I still have something lingering in the back of my head telling me i can try again and I can concur Chem’s heart. I think I can do it this time. Dont get me wrong I have never failed chem but I have never been.. Totally comfortable with it either. It makes me cry and gives me nightmares (HONEST TO GOD). [ I would not tell people this on a regular bases because others make it seem so easy] well You all can eff off, unless you want to help. My past tutor, who happens to be an Army Officer scared me into REAAALLY wanting to Beat this subject. he also lost hope in me and thinks I dont care.. the thing is i just learn differently when it comes to subjects I hate, IE chem and math (>_>) . Dont assume I am stupid or anything I just always hated math…. When I was 4 my daddy would force me to do times tables… and when I fell asleep I’d get in trouble. Also In 5th grade i would always do my Math hw during homeroom in the bathroom… I guess that HATE of numbers carried on. I need to stop, well i have for the most part, I just need a grade that represents that, Sigh… I

This is the first week that I am going to ALL of my classes bc I added 2 more on Friday, a Chem and Spanish 1. I will have a crazy work load this semester. Pray for me but you know something? I know I can get through it, LETS GO!!! on to the point of no return, Degree or BUST!

Family
Im laying down in the couch in my living room Listening to my baby sister Snore her exhaustion away and the rest of my family is also here knocked out. I complain a whole lot about coming home but moments like these make me appreciate them so much more. It may be because they are quite but I digress. This is the longest I have been home since Last June. The day after I graduated Highschool. My family is one of a kind and I know I need to work really hard to keep them unique. I LOVE IT, but I’ve got to go.

Work:
This was the first time ever I worked a 9-5 but to top it all off I had a second job on the side. I became a grown up over night. Commuting, paying toll, Being addressed as ‘Miss Omolara’ I got a Nice hefty Paycheck that was swept away by my mean angry bank, and unexpected overdrafts. Dealing w a few medical emergencies. As much as I was frustrated and tired and fed up, I loved it. The students I met were one of a kind. Gems, intelligent little beings that were trying so hard to be adults. 13 and 14 year olds doing College level Calculus , Chem and Physics, loved them like they were my own sibs. But they dealt w so much more. Growing up sucks, especially when your parents are from another country. Well such is life, I’ll continue to pray for them… even though I got cursed out and tons of eyes rolled at me, I love my PROYECTO monsters.

leisure:
SLEEP. the first half of my summer was dedicated to Chem 1, it was such a struggle to go to class every day for 4 hours for the same class and still come home, have no sleep and despite all the work come under your expectations. I dont regret much [ My tutor is ready to cut me up into little pieces bc he thinks im lazy] but I’ll get my A in due time. My sleepless nights turned around quick when I had to wake up at 7 to be at work by 8:15 about 30 minutes away from home…. then I couldnt work out after that. BLAH what a set of weeks for me. The week that topped it off was the night I was throwing a Party w My God Brother and best friend. It was a bust and I think some hoodrat girls took advantage of that to fight my BFF and COusin b/c of it. twas a sight to see B*** and F-bombs with ease. I managed to laugh at it all. I drove down to the shore the next day.. NO HELP TO MY COUSIN lol but Jersey Turnpike is its own world so i dont blame her. It was beautiful I had no idea how beautiful the Jersey Shore is. [not the horrible show, the gorgeous NJ beach] (we call it shore not beach) SOOOO many pictures but I noticed my weeks of work and not working out caught up to me. So that was quickly fixed. Also my Nephew was born July 4. the Fire works on that day were extra bright and extra loud, all for my litte CJ. I took the responsibility to see him atleast once a week. taking pictures of his growing Belly EACH TIME!

Spirituality; My faith and trust in God was challenged this summer. It was a very subtle challenge so I take it as a blessing. i am proud to say that Jesus is my Lord and Savior and this summer could have been a sad one if I didnt have him in My life. My Lord Provides, heals,and Conquers all… I learned that a life a celibacy /abstinence is perfect i just need to stay away from anyone who wants to challenge it. I also learned to forgive. still learning to learn… so all in all life is good. getting better each day

backto school:
so much to do so little time, not enough time or funds but i still need to go. Prayer will get me there and God will Guarantee my return….

Goodnight Summer, it has been a pleasure

ill be home for only a few days more, bittersweet. iLL HAVE FREEDOM
but ill miss the fam. I havent been able to do much online bc I have no internet at home lol long story. hopefully i can get wordpress working on my phone PRAY for me, ill need it

I have a ridiculous love for young entrepreneurs. I just have this fantastical idea of individuals that are young and are working to make their dreams the number one innovation there is. I think it is wonderful that people are not always going by the book. You dont necessarily need to have a degree to make your dreams fly away and become reality [this doesnt mean dont get a degree I just mean do things on the side]. Its so attractive to. Why just go to school and read books and just do everything the way it is supposed to be when you can do so much more. Staying up in the middle of the night for your grades and your dreams are great! Having one more thing to work towards and drive you to success is wonderful to.. idk im getting redundant i guess. something about these guys. Their ambition makes me want to help them thrive not even their products. More power to young entrepreneurs .

http://www.herdsofthefathers.com/

As for me, I finally decided to put more work into my ambitions. All of the promises I made earlier during this holiday, I have fulfilled most of them. With the help of God I’m getting somewhere in life that might as well be cloud nine. I have been consistently building my portfolio in the past few weeks and I am so pleased with my progress. This is only the beginning of my journey to Dream world. I launched a temp version of my website just the other day http://molliani.com/ . So far i am getting some really great feedback, I shouldnt be content with minor progress so I wont me. Not ready to pat myself on the back untill I do some Monumental things. Until then Working harder than the day before.
- More power to the young entrepreneur

Im listening to Heaven by Jamie Foxx [pandora selection] Music like this should always manifest into real life over and over again. Words from a hopeless Romantic. I havent been involved in any scenarios such as this in a while so for now I have lost some hope in romance. Deep down I am deeply in love with one individual, but he has yet to show me who he is.

I’ve been making myself do a lot of work lately. 40+ work week, ridiculous but not as bad as I assumed, I travel from my area to Jersey city every day and two days out of that I work later at a tutoring center. Its actually pretty fun but very tiring. In my free time between all of this I have been designing like a Maniac.

Im Slowly building a portfolio and website. Im hoping a lot will come from it.

My baby brother was sick last week and one of the remedies that i actually googled was to mix honey with yogurt. While my mom mixing, the honey is above my mac, trying to avoid it form getting on my keyboard, i move it… and… it gets all over my Z.. its functional but sticky lol.

Well That was the only downside to my weekend. Thursday I got a job,, friday I got another job, spend the day w my sis b/c she came down for the weekend from school and went to a cook out on Saturday. Today was July 4th and my Nephew CJ was born just a few minutes ago. Im happy.

Well. My posts are most likely going to be short during this summer. Lots to do. not much time to blog [= catchya later

Secret: I miss sharing secrets with you

- Im glad I look up to you and I am not severely Jealous anymore

- that you decided that we should be friends even though I can be a brat that always wants her way

- that you are my absolute best friend that will never go away despite all the trouble i purposely get myself into

- you understand I just want the best from you because I couldnt do it myself

- i have a lot of secrets, I dont tell everyone bc they arent ready for them

—- I feel like going up to a random stranger and telling them all about my life. lol I think they would be interested.

What I tend to do on this blog is write about the same thing until I come to terms with it and fix whatever it is that is troubling me. Right about now the only thing troubling me is myself. Apparently Everyone else really believes in me. They see so much in what I can do in life. I have so much potential weighing me down but I have not acted on a single thing. Atleast nothing that i would be Boasting about. I need to talk to myself. I hope I dont sound crazed but its so true, Ive been having these thoughts about my future. Even if everything is laid out for me perfectly how will I be able to sculpt it. And if everything is hectic how will I arrange it to work for me. I’m maturing, this is probably what this means because, I am all, I think about. Not in a selfish way just concerned. Im concerned about my drive motivation and Happiness.